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.. would always remember my then-wife’s (now I am sure, ex-wife’s) reaction when she saw me for the first time at Walter Reed hospital in Washington.I heard the gasp, looked up in time to see the look of absolute horror on her face before she burst into tears and ran from the room.After that, I requested the doctors change my visitation allowance to NO VISITORS!I understand Melodie came back every day for a couple of weeks, begging to be allowed in to see me.No thanks ... once was enough.I knew then I would never see her again. Would never allow her to see me.And that also meant I would never see the little baby girl she was carrying inside her.In a few weeks my discharge papers came though and the Marines gave me a couple of medals for what happened in Iraq.I suppose I should thank the Veterans Administration for granting me a 100 percent disability. Seems little enough for having been turned into a monster.No, those were not just words. A few weeks later I was at Wal-Mart. Because. Damn, what she was wearing was even hotter than naked! The front was totally see-through, but the back was just the opposite, completely opaque. The same with the long sleeves, sheer in front and solid in back. Crap I was hard!Okay, I admit it, yesterday after dropping the kids off, I stopped and bought vodka; whipped cream flavored vodka, thought I might need it. I can’t even think the last time we’ve had hard alcohol in our house. I was right. I needed it! I mixed a glass about half with orange juice and sat down to drink it, putting my goggles back on first and turning them on. Then I couldn’t find the damn glass of vodka I’d just set down! I had to peek under the bottom of the glasses to see where I’d set it. Drunk already I guess, just from smelling the damned stuff.Mixed with the OJ, it tasted a little like the orange creamsicle cups we used to have when we were kids. This time I held onto the glass and pulled the goggles back down over my eyes. Then I sat in darkness, holding.
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